What makes funks challenging is that it feels like everything is wrong and broken and will stay that way forever. It’s pretty unlikely that that’s true, of course. The challenge (as in many instances, such as here, here, here and here) is to live (be, perform) in a way that’s other than how you feel.Read more
A perfectly good game of catch
Anderson Mancini / Foter / CC BY My first job out of college (not counting a few highly-forgettable temping nightmares–definitely another blog post) was at a wonderful, progressive child welfare agency in Chicago. The agency was a pioneer in an approach that’s now common in social services called wraparound. As the name implies, wraparound grewRead more
Shopping for criticism
The world will always be able to present you with an endless supply of people who will tell you there’s something wrong with you. If you’re looking for it, any old stroll down a Manhattan sidewalk will leave you liable to bump into any number of people who’ll gladly offer their critique: You’re walking tooRead more
Quid pro quo
“From the Latin,” says Wikipedia, meaning “something for something.” It’s implicit in just about every conversation I have with my therapy patients about fairness. It’s the idea that when we do something for someone, we should expect them to do something of roughly equal value in return. We feel taken advantage of if we giveRead more
What’s your status?
Several weeks ago one of my therapy groups got to talking about being friendly and open to building relationships and getting closer to the people in our lives. It turned out that what caused hesitation in reaching out to others, letting friends and family know you care (or that you’d like to spend time together)Read more
Group: It’s how we live our lives
I get asked somewhat frequently why I’m drawn to practicing group therapy. Really, it’s groups of all kinds that I’m interested in. But that sort of begs the question. I’m interested in groups because I’m interested in people, and groups tend to be how people are organized. I’m not sure if this is a provocationRead more
Trimming the emotional fat
Nic Taylor Photography / Foter / CC BY-NC-ND When you buy food by the pound, you don’t want to pay for the parts you’re not going to eat. While I’m told a little fat adds flavor (I’m an open-minded vegetarian, but a vegetarian none-the-less) you don’t want to pay for ounces of the stuff thatRead more
You’re into suffering. Stop it.
You’re into suffering the way some people are into cricket or knitting. It’s a hobby. A pastime. Knock it off. Seriously, it’s remarkable how many people can seemingly sustain themselves with suffering. By asserting that being into suffering has no value I don’t wish to deny the very real presence of suffering of all kinds;Read more
Tough ain’t mean
Rooners Toy Photography / Foter / CC BY-NC-ND Being tough is not the same thing as being mean. In fact, the people who are most likely to think your toughness is mean are often exactly the people with whom you most need to be tough. When people you count on aren’t making themselves available, it’sRead more
Ourchestra: Shel Silverstein on group therapy (sort of)
I’m pretty crazy about Shel Silverstein, and this poem in particular. Ourchestra So you haven’t got a drum, just beat your belly. So I haven’t got a horn-I’ll play my nose. So we haven’t any cymbals- We’ll just slap our hands together, And though there may be orchestras That sound a little better With theirRead more