I got an email this morning from someone in New York who found my website searching for group therapy. He said a few things about himself, what he’s struggling with, and then wrote, “I’m looking for a therapy group with people just like me.” I was touched. It was clear that this guy spends mostRead more
Know thyself? Not so fast
bencrowe / Foter / CC BY Several months ago I wrote about the imperative of giving up your expertise on you. While there are certain things you know pretty well about yourself, there’s a not-so-modest basket of things where you are in, perhaps, the worst position to see what’s really going on. It’s one ofRead more
Want to avoid disappointment? Ask, don’t expect
People are disappointing. Really. I mean it. I think this is more of a comment on the one who’s disappointed than on the one who’s doing the disappointing. That’s confusing. Let me put it another way: If you find yourself disappointed by someone, it’s probably your fault. See, in order for someone to disappoint you,Read more
The opposite of moralism isn’t amoralism, it’s creativity
I’m not a fan or moralism. Morality, yes. What’s the difference? Morality, which seems inarguably worthwhile, is about being committed to engaging in a struggle over who we want to be, as human beings. It’s the grappling with the questions, large and small, in and among the many relationships in which we exist, about whatRead more
The blame game
Isn’t it much easier to decide who’s fault it is than to stick your neck out and lead? Here’s a neat trick: Next time you’re setting out the pieces to play a round of the blame game, skip it. Instead, call out, “You know what, it was my fault.” (You’ve gotta mean it though–no sarcasm!)Read more
Theraphobia: A therapist walks into a Christmas party
A few years ago at a holiday party in Manhattan, at the home of an actor friend, a giddy young woman asked, “Are you an actor like everyone else here?” I replied: “No, I’m a psychotherapist, actually.” “Ah! That’s great! Hilarious! So… actor.” She walked away, laughing. Being mistaken for an actor was a first,Read more
For Christ’s sake: Stop trusting your gut!
brentdanley / Foter / CC BY-NC-SA There are days when (according to my twitter stream, at least) it would seem as though all of psychology and psychotherapy is intent on discovering the biological origins (in evolution, in genetics, in the inner workings of our brains, or all three) of just about everything we do: MenRead more
But why?
Last night I finally got around to watching the stunning documentary Man on Wire, chronicling Frenchman Philippe Petit’s astonishing 1974 tight-wire walk between the recently erected twin towers of New York City’s World Trade Center. deanwiles / Foter / CC BY-SACenter. The feat took years to plan (not to mention a lifetime of practice on Petit’s part).Read more
Sometimes crazy is a 12-lane superhighway
I had a friend in high school whose parents wouldn’t let him drive on the highway for the first year after he got his driver’s license. In New York City, where I now practice therapy, you could get around okay, but in Columbus, OH, it takes a hefty amount of creativity to get anywhere youRead more
Two meanings of catastrophe
I’ve had a number of conversations in the past few weeks with folks who’s lives, in one way or another, are falling apart. Being a psychotherapist, it’s not so unusual. What seems different is in just how many of these cases what fell apart needed to fall apart: A pursuit of a PhD 9 yearsRead more
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