Creating A Healthy Non-Traditional Relationship In Couples Counseling

How do we separate the notion of non-traditional relationships from the imposition of a label? What is dysfunction? What is pathology? Non-traditional relationships can be both healthy or unhealthy. However, when you step out of convention, it can be harder to evaluate what is growthful and what is unhealthy.

What Does Non-Traditional Look Like?

Non-traditional relationships can look many different ways. They can be nonsexual–i.e. couples who have love and romance and live together as a couple, but are not interested in sex or sex with one another. They can be relationships where there’s a large disparity in money or age. They can be couples who adopted siblings or grandparents who are raising their grandkids. They can be two gay men and a woman who cohabit and raise children together. They can also include open adoption, surrogacy, staying friends with an ex or relationships involving three or more people.

Creating Your Relationship Without A Map

For better or for worse, convention can form a sort of map–a set of ideas that guides how decisions are made such as questions involving what is acceptable sexually, the distribution of chores and childcare responsibilities, how money is used in the relationship, etc. Stepping away from convention–while bringing the possibility of more options and therefore, more creative choices–can also force couples to make more decisions without a preexisting structure or guide. We work to help couples recognize that they must always create and recreate the terms of their relationship. We also help them build the skills needed to examine these terms together.