Family

We Need To Ask Better Questions Of Each Other: 10 Questions To Ask Elementary-Aged Children

March 12, 2020
Holding hands.

Elementary-Aged Kids Aren’t Usually Asked Deeper Questions: It’s Time We Start

Parents and other adults often ask questions of elementary-aged children quickly like a laundry list to address physical and immediate emotional needs. Adults don’t usually ask kids questions in exploration, but as a way to gather concrete data about socialization or academics. Kids aren’t typically asked what they’re feeling, wanting, needing, playing with, or discovering about the world, their family, their neighborhood and themselves.   

While we give kids plenty of space to play, it’s often hard to get close to the millions of new experiences or thoughts they have each day. Kids are smart and their lens of seeing the world is fresher, newer, and full of wonder and imagination. They also don’t hold back. Therefore, a kid really needs to have space to talk about their experiences, rather than simply perform and listen. They need space to have their ideas–however messy–heard and thought of in conversation with adults.

Asking elementary-aged kids deeper questions builds trust, play, curiosity, consistency, and holding by and with an adult. It not only strengthens the relationship between an adult and child by getting to know a kid as themselves, but the child can also learn to ask adults questions that are curious. They can learn that answers might change from day to day, and that they can be seen as an individual who feels, experiences and witnesses a lot.

As in the previous posts, I’ve highlighted some questions to ask elementary-aged kids:

Ask Elementary-aged Kids

1. How did you feel at recess? What did you play? Who did you play with?
2. What do you want to play today that you haven’t played? Why?
3. What did you read? Was it something you chose?
4. What did you imagine today? Did you imagine? How did you pretend today? What was your play plan?
5. Did you get enough hugs today? From who? Did you need more or less?
6. What do you like about x, y or z friend?
7. Who do you wish you could play with more?
8. How do you feel about your sibling(s)?
9. When do you feel left out? Lonely? Sad? Angry?
10. What do you like to eat at night? Can we build one meal around you?

Rachael Benjamin