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Trust. You Gotta Build It.

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Matt Lundquist

A Columbia University-trained psychotherapist with more than a decade of clinical experience, I’ve come to believe that what it means to help people in therapy is to help them create their lives and I relish in this challenging, playful activity.

Posted on February 13, 2010 in Psychotherapy, Therapy

Question:

How do I know I can trust my therapist (this guy I’m dating, my financial planner)?

Answer:

You don’t.

As odd as it may sound, early in a relationship with a patient when the issue of trust comes up, I tend to recommend that a patient not trust me. Not because I’m not a good person to trust but because we haven’t built that trust yet.

I’ve come to see trust as less a static condition based on an inherent predisposition of trustworthiness of the parties involved but rather as an activity: something that needs to be jointly built. I’ve found the following as a useful guide:

  • Trusting relationships have been through ups and downs. (It’s having been through the downs in ways that are respectful)
  • Trusting relationships are not private. Having other people involved in a relationship (for example in group therapy) allows multiple perspectives
  • Trusting relationships allow lots of room for either party to say “no” to anything at any time.
  • Trust isn’t a binary, all or nothing state.
  • Trust needs to be nurtured continually throughout a relationship.
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matt lundquist, LCSW MSEd

A Columbia University-trained psychotherapist with more than a decade of clinical experience, I've come to believe that what it means to help people in therapy is to help them create their lives and I relish in this challenging, playful activity.

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  • teens
  • families
  • art therapy
  • depression
  • anxiety
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