Finding a Reliable Couples Therapist

Not all couples therapy is the same: Finding a couples therapist that fits

When things aren’t going well in your relationship, feelings of panic and urgency can make it seem like just any couples therapist will do. That’s not the case. It’s worth taking the time to slow down and find a therapist who can truly help you and your partner. Not all couples therapists understand the work of couples therapy in the same way, which makes it crucial to put some consideration into who you bring into the inner workings of your relationship.

Be picky: Ask questions and pay attention to how a couples therapist responds

When searching for a couples therapist, it can be helpful to meet with more than one therapist so that you and your partner can get a sense of what it would be like to work with multiple people. It’s okay to be picky. Ask questions and pay close attention to how they respond.

Even if it’s impossible for a therapist to know exactly what your couples therapy work should be straight away, they should be able to offer some high-level thoughts based on an initial conversation. Be wary of therapists who seem overly confident about the course the therapy will take or how many sessions the treatment will last. That information is revealed over the course of the therapy work.

Lasting change comes from a deeper, more complex understanding of your relationship: Find a therapist willing to do the work

Many couples therapists rely heavily on skills and tools, giving homework and relating to the work as short-term and skills-focused. While there is utility in learning new ways of interacting and behaving, lasting change comes from finding a deeper and more complex understanding of yourself and each other. What matters is not just what you are doing but why you are doing it. Look for a therapist who is interested in helping you understand yourselves better, which will help create a more solid foundation for the changes you’re hoping to make.

A couples therapist should also be open to helping you break up if that’s what the relationship needs

People seek couples therapy for all sorts of reasons, not all of which are about repairing the relationship. Sometimes you need help breaking up and your couples therapist should be open to the possibility that ending the relationship could be the ultimate goal of your work together. Not all therapists are open to this possibility so it’s key to assure that the therapist’s comfort level isn’t going to limit what your relationship may need, even if that means providing support for ending things.