How Long Does Couples Therapy Take?

How long do couples need to be in couples therapy?: Exploration takes time

One of the most common questions that couples new to therapy ask is how long they will need to be in couples therapy. In reality, this is a tricky question, one that reveals a lot about how couples feel about the fact that they’re in couples therapy together. 

The short answer is that exploration takes time. Defining and understanding a problem is the essential first step to solving it—or trying to. The time spent really digging into what is going on in a relationship helps lay the foundation for honesty, informed decision-making, and a healthier plan forward.

Sometimes couples have a well-defined problem that can be navigated in the short term but often couples need more 

Couples therapy is usually shorter-term work than individual therapy, focusing more on specific issues than free-form exploration. Sometimes couples come to therapy with a well-defined and contained problem they need help with, whether managing a parenting issue, making a financial decision together, or navigating a specific milestone. This work can be relatively short-term. However, that largely depends on how much support both partners are receiving outside of couples therapy.

More often, though, couples therapy lasts longer than a couple anticipates. Many couples accept the invitation to really learn something about themselves and each other. Frequently, couples will also do therapy in chunks. While an initial pressing concern brings them in, they have periods of returning to couples therapy to address things that come up such as having a child or decisions around career changes.

Part of the work of couples therapy is learning to tolerate the disruption of couples therapy

The ultimate goal of therapy is to not need therapy anymore. This is particularly true of couples therapy. Granted, this doesn’t provide much comfort for couples who are nervous about the therapy process, worried that therapy will harm more than help, and feeling scared to talk about taboo topics that they’ve previously struggled to engage with productively.

Part of the work of couples therapy is learning to tolerate couples therapy. That can mean feeling profoundly uncomfortable or upset at the end of a session, knowing that you’ll need to wait until the next session to be able to process those feelings together. It can also mean needing to tolerate instability, doubt, and lack of clarity in the relationship.

Couples should lean on their therapist to help structure treatment in a way that gives them what they need and helps them tolerate this discomfort. Some couples may need to meet with their therapist more frequently during particularly difficult times. Others may need a therapist to give very specific directives about what to do (or not do) between sessions.