Couples Therapy For Arguing (And Forgiveness)

There are a lot of ways of fighting: withholding, passive aggressiveness, using your partner’s vulnerability as a weapon and stonewalling. There are also dangerous ways of fighting including grabbing, blocking, stopping someone from leaving, stealing their phone. However, not all arguing is inherently bad–it can sometimes encourage a dialogue around difficult topics.

Apologizing And Forgiveness After Arguing

It is inevitable that partners will hurt one another in a relationship and sometimes, that hurt can be significant. Apologizing and forgiveness are areas often fraught with hurt and resentment for couples. A sincere apology takes more time and work to really understand and be curious about the nuances of what was hurtful and how your partner was hurt. While there are elements common to good apologies, couples also need to learn about their partner’s specific needs. A good apology is custom-tailored.

Unfortunately, in the struggle to navigate hurt feelings, we often see couples getting stuck and staying stuck around a set of grievances or perhaps one big transgression that has never really been resolved. On the surface, it may seem that the relationship has "moved on,” but often we see evidence that isn't so. This can take the form of other conflicts, withholding or "freezing out.” Sometimes, this can seem like the only option, especially if the alternative feels like constant, unproductive fighting.

Past Couple And Family Relationships Affect Forgiveness

Our ability to apologize and forgive is not only influenced by the history in our current relationship, but also our prior relationship history long before we even met our partner. Part of what we do at Tribeca Therapy is untangle the knot that can form after years of being hurt without enough repair. And this includes looking at past couple and family relationships.

We work to help couples find a third path between avoidance and destructive or constant conflict. We're skilled at identifying what's really going on to guide couples to productively work through the matter once and for all. If an issue is especially hot, we may need to do some work on helping keep that tension, once uncovered in the therapy, from wearing away at a couple outside of the session. We believe in getting at conflict, but also recognize that sometimes couples need help to get through the week without fighting constantly.