Infidelity never just happens to individuals. Culpability for making a harmful choice is a different thing than the responsibility for rebuilding. In a crisis like infidelity–a moment of hurt and betrayal, it can be incredibly difficult to see possibilities for the relationship. When talking with couples in the early stages of reconciling infidelity, we are so often asked, “Can we even stay together?” In some ways, they’re asking, “Do you think we’ll make it, doc?” But there’s also a sense, at times, they’re engaging whether or not it’s ok to stay together. Perhaps the person who cheated feels they are “supposed to” retreat in shame and the person who’s been cheated on feels that he or she is a wimp for sticking around.