Blog
Quid pro quo
"From the Latin," says Wikipedia, meaning "something for something."It's implicit in just about every conversation I have with my therapy patients about fairness. It's the idea that when we do something for someone, we should expect them to do something of roughly equal value in return. We feel taken advantage of if we give something and don't feel it's reciprocated.The balance sheet approach.…
May 10, 2010
What's your status?
Several weeks ago one of my therapy groups got to talking about being friendly and open to building relationships and getting closer to the people in our lives. It turned out that what caused hesitation in reaching out to others, letting friends and family know you care (or that you'd like to spend time together) is a fear that the request won't be reciprocated.Here are some examples:The woman at…
May 07, 2010
Remembering MLK's message to psychologists on the anniversary of his death
Forty-two years ago today Martin Luther King, Jr. was assassinated in Memphis, Tennessee.One can scarcely be alive without recognizing his immeasurable legacy as the leader of the 20th-Century Civil Rights Movement in the United States. He spoke with more passion and eloquence than anyone on matters of segregation, inequality, voting rights and (increasingly in his later years) the issue of…
Apr 04, 2010Group therapy: More than a bad cliche?
I recently took a fresh look at the online conversation around group therapy. Sadly, it was much as I'd expected.It's not hard to see where the cliches portrayed on sketch-comedy shows and in countless movies have come from. In fact, while surfing through videos on YouTube with the tag group therapy it was genuinely hard to tell which were intended as actual informative videos produced by group…
Apr 03, 2010
Lessons on irritability from the dentist
I spent much of last two weeks reclined in a chair at the Tribeca Dental Studio just a few blocks from my office (4 visits, actually--punishment for going too long without paying the dentist a visit).Just like you, I hate going to the dentist. I'm careful not to say, "I hate the dentist" because she's perfectly nice, actually.That got me thinking about those times when patients tell me that they…
Mar 22, 2010
Curiouser and curiouser
How doth the little crocodileImprove his shining tail,And pour the waters of the NileOn every golden scale!-Alice, Lewis Carroll's Alice in WonderlandIt's surely of little surprise that I place such tremendous value on curiosity. It's what good therapists do: They get curious about their client's lives. I also think it's vital for everyone in living a fulfilling life and building meaningful…
Mar 14, 2010
Group Therapy: Give up your expertise on you
It's one of those beliefs so widely agreed on as to be beyond question: You are the exclusive expert on you.Being an expert tends to go along with not being so open to what other people have to say. And when it comes to ourselves, being an expert on you tends to mean being the expert on you.But the fact is, there's a whole lot about you that you're in the worst position to see. Like how you're…
Feb 28, 2010
American Psychiatric Association Posts Draft Revisions to DSM Online (And why you should care)
The American Psychiatric Association is a membership organization of psychiatrists and is responsible for publishing the hefty Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders . It's the go-to book for psychotherapist, psychologists, psychiatrists, etc. relative to diagnosing mental distress.The current version, the DSM-IV, was published in 1994 with a significant Text Revision (TR) version…
Feb 19, 2010Trust. You Gotta Build It.
Question:How do I know I can trust my therapist (this guy I’m dating, my financial planner)?Answer:You don’t.As odd as it may sound, early in a relationship with a patient when the issue of trust comes up, I tend to recommend that a patient not trust me. Not because I’m not a good person to trust but because we haven’t built that trust yet.I’ve come to see trust as less a static condition based…
Feb 13, 2010Doing the Unstuck
Stuck? Do the Unstuck. Here's how:1) Do something embarrassing. (Yes, on purpose!)Let’s face it: often we’re stuck because we don’t want to look bad. Doing something embarrassing on purpose makes that pretty irrelevant, doesn’t it?2) Tell people you’re stuck. (If you find that embarrassing, see #1)Why not a Facebook post: “So much to do, but just can’t get myself out of the house today!…
Feb 11, 2010Browse all Tribeca Therapy topics
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