Blog
Quid pro quo
"From the Latin," says Wikipedia, meaning "something for something."It's implicit in just about every conversation I have with my therapy patients about fairness. It's the idea that when we do something for someone, we should expect them to do something of roughly equal value in return. We feel taken advantage of if we give something and don't feel it's reciprocated.The balance sheet approach.…
May 10, 2010
What's your status?
Several weeks ago one of my therapy groups got to talking about being friendly and open to building relationships and getting closer to the people in our lives. It turned out that what caused hesitation in reaching out to others, letting friends and family know you care (or that you'd like to spend time together) is a fear that the request won't be reciprocated.Here are some examples:The woman at…
May 07, 2010
Group: It's how we live our lives
I get asked somewhat frequently why I'm drawn to practicing group therapy. Really, it's groups of all kinds that I'm interested in. But that sort of begs the question.I'm interested in groups because I'm interested in people, and groups tend to be how people are organized. I'm not sure if this is a provocation or not. I'd like it to be one:We live our lives in groups.. I think this statement is…
May 06, 2010
Trimming the emotional fat
When you buy food by the pound, you don't want to pay for the parts you're not going to eat. While I'm told a little fat adds flavor (I'm an open-minded vegetarian, but a vegetarian none-the-less) you don't want to pay for ounces of the stuff that you're just going to cut off and toss in the garbage.Agreed. But then, why do we have such a commitment to hanging on to emotional fat?What's emotional…
May 05, 2010You're into suffering. Stop it.
You're into suffering the way some people are into cricket or knitting. It's a hobby. A pastime.Knock it off.Seriously, it's remarkable how many people can seemingly sustain themselves with suffering.By asserting that being into suffering has no value I don't wish to deny the very real presence of suffering of all kinds; there are far too many people who experience very genuine suffering. We all…
Apr 28, 2010
Tough ain't mean
Being tough is not the same thing as being mean. In fact, the people who are most likely to think your toughness is mean are often exactly the people with whom you most need to be tough.When people you count on aren't making themselves available, it's time to get tough. When people around you are being manipulative or otherwise undermining of you, it's time to get tough. When a task you've set…
Apr 21, 2010
Ourchestra: Shel Silverstein on group therapy (sort of)
I'm pretty crazy about Shel Silverstein, and this poem in particular.Ourchestra. So you haven't got a drum, just beat your belly.So I haven't got a horn-I'll play my nose.So we haven't any cymbals-We'll just slap our hands together,And though there may be orchestrasThat sound a little betterWith their fancy shiny instrumentsThat cost an awful lot-Hey, we're making music twice as goodBy playing…
Apr 09, 2010
Available
Available means not committed elsewhere in such a way that would interfere with being committed here.Available means ready or willing to get ready.Available means on-board for what's ahead, including that what's ahead is unknown and could change at any moment.Available is way more than showing up. It's way more than having a slot open in your schedule.Lots of people show up for relationships,…
Apr 07, 2010
Group Therapy: Antidote for the reluctance to LOOK!
Spanish speakers say it beautifully: “Abre los ojos!” (Open your eyes!)We receive remarkable training, formal and otherwise, in thinking, interpreting and understanding. Not so much for looking. In fact, we receive a great deal of training in not-looking or looking the other way.How’s that, you ask?I’m reminded of a popular bumper sticker: “If you’re not outraged, you’re not paying…
Apr 06, 2010Are you smart?
Smart is curious.Smart is worldly.Smart has the nerve to ask why.Smart asks why not?Smart asks for a better answer.Smart comes up with his or her own answers.Smart knows the difference between smart and smart ass.Smart invests in relationships.Smart gets that human beings are emotional.Smart recognizes the ways he or she is stupid.Smart knows when to shut up.Smart knows when to scream like…
Apr 05, 2010
Remembering MLK's message to psychologists on the anniversary of his death
Forty-two years ago today Martin Luther King, Jr. was assassinated in Memphis, Tennessee.One can scarcely be alive without recognizing his immeasurable legacy as the leader of the 20th-Century Civil Rights Movement in the United States. He spoke with more passion and eloquence than anyone on matters of segregation, inequality, voting rights and (increasingly in his later years) the issue of…
Apr 04, 2010Group therapy: More than a bad cliche?
I recently took a fresh look at the online conversation around group therapy. Sadly, it was much as I'd expected.It's not hard to see where the cliches portrayed on sketch-comedy shows and in countless movies have come from. In fact, while surfing through videos on YouTube with the tag group therapy it was genuinely hard to tell which were intended as actual informative videos produced by group…
Apr 03, 2010Browse all Tribeca Therapy topics
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