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Code yellow! (Or: irritability part 2)
I got a great comment on my recent post Lessons on irritability from the dentist. Mike writes:Seriously, I think the hard part is that it requires an awareness, a mindfulness, of when we are in danger of blowing up. For myself, the times when I lash out at someone because I’m having a bad day, I haven’t stopped to notice that I’m in a really crappy mood. If I take a moment to recognize that I’m…
Mar 31, 2010
I don't deserve this
This is one of the few phrases I can think of that we use variably for both really good and really lousy events in our lives:Being honored by your peers. Getting laid off. Finding a great man or woman and falling in love. Discovering your partner is cheating on you."I don't deserve this!". But deserve doesn't have a whole lot to do with any of it.Things happen to us, good or bad (and even the…
Mar 25, 2010
Lessons on irritability from the dentist
I spent much of last two weeks reclined in a chair at the Tribeca Dental Studio just a few blocks from my office (4 visits, actually--punishment for going too long without paying the dentist a visit).Just like you, I hate going to the dentist. I'm careful not to say, "I hate the dentist" because she's perfectly nice, actually.That got me thinking about those times when patients tell me that they…
Mar 22, 2010
The resilience of weird
Social scientists, after decades (centuries really) of studying what causes individuals and communities to get into trouble have begun to take an interest in individuals who, even when surrounded by dire circumstances (take your pick: poverty, abuse, trauma) manage to make it out OK. In other words, some of them have started to be interested in something other than pathology.The field of study is…
Mar 16, 2010
Curiouser and curiouser
How doth the little crocodileImprove his shining tail,And pour the waters of the NileOn every golden scale!-Alice, Lewis Carroll's Alice in WonderlandIt's surely of little surprise that I place such tremendous value on curiosity. It's what good therapists do: They get curious about their client's lives. I also think it's vital for everyone in living a fulfilling life and building meaningful…
Mar 14, 2010
Group Therapy: Give up your expertise on you
It's one of those beliefs so widely agreed on as to be beyond question: You are the exclusive expert on you.Being an expert tends to go along with not being so open to what other people have to say. And when it comes to ourselves, being an expert on you tends to mean being the expert on you.But the fact is, there's a whole lot about you that you're in the worst position to see. Like how you're…
Feb 28, 2010Compassion is not running the other way
People ask me sometimes, What do you say when..? and lay out a really horrific situation. What do you say when a friend's mom just died? What do you say when someone's really miserable and stuck and there doesn't seem to be anything to do to help?What's the compassionate thing to say?You don't say anything.Because saying gets in the way.Too often our well-intentioned efforts at helping, fixing,…
Feb 28, 2010
American Psychiatric Association Posts Draft Revisions to DSM Online (And why you should care)
The American Psychiatric Association is a membership organization of psychiatrists and is responsible for publishing the hefty Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders . It's the go-to book for psychotherapist, psychologists, psychiatrists, etc. relative to diagnosing mental distress.The current version, the DSM-IV, was published in 1994 with a significant Text Revision (TR) version…
Feb 19, 2010Getting the Most out of Your Therapy
Therapy isn't magic, and it's not liable to work if you don't make it work. Here's some thoughts on how to get the most bang for your therapy buck:1. Thinking it’s only the therapist who’s responsible for making it work.Getting help in therapy just isn’t comparable to getting a good car wash; you have to participate actively. Once you’ve found a therapist you like, be as honest as you can be…
Feb 17, 2010
Steal this blog
Or, Sometimes I Don't Share Things Because I'm Afraid I Stole ThemDoes that happen to you?Books, radio programs, movies, friends, colleagues: I get stuff (helpful, growthful, stuff) from anywhere I can. And sometimes I think everything should be footnoted to give credit to all my sources.But that’s impossible, of course.My group therapy patients often hesitate before saying something in group…
Feb 15, 2010Trust. You Gotta Build It.
Question:How do I know I can trust my therapist (this guy I’m dating, my financial planner)?Answer:You don’t.As odd as it may sound, early in a relationship with a patient when the issue of trust comes up, I tend to recommend that a patient not trust me. Not because I’m not a good person to trust but because we haven’t built that trust yet.I’ve come to see trust as less a static condition based…
Feb 13, 2010Doing the Unstuck
Stuck? Do the Unstuck. Here's how:1) Do something embarrassing. (Yes, on purpose!)Let’s face it: often we’re stuck because we don’t want to look bad. Doing something embarrassing on purpose makes that pretty irrelevant, doesn’t it?2) Tell people you’re stuck. (If you find that embarrassing, see #1)Why not a Facebook post: “So much to do, but just can’t get myself out of the house today!…
Feb 11, 2010Browse all Tribeca Therapy topics
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