Couples
Counterintuitive thoughts on giving
Giving is a good thing. You're down with that. Hold doors, remember birthdays, pick up the tab, volunteer to swing the hammer and serve the soup. Good stuff.There are some moves in life that I'm a fan of that aren't what might come to mind when it comes to giving, but I think they're worthy of consideration alongside their more traditional standouts.Asking. Whether it's asking for help reaching…
May 14, 2012
Diversifying your (relationship) portfolio: Pop songs lie
I'm not much of a stocks and bonds guy, but practicing therapy not far from NYC's financial district, I've learned a few things about investing from some of my patients. Among the more straightforward pecuniary principles is the notion of a diversified portfolio. The idea is that, no matter how psyched you are about a particular investment (or kind of investment), it's best to spread your money…
Oct 25, 2011"Just like me"
I got an email this morning from someone in New York who found my website searching for group therapy. He said a few things about himself, what he's struggling with, and then wrote, "I'm looking for a therapy group with people just like me."I was touched. It was clear that this guy spends most of his life feeling like the oddball. I could relate. For an awful lot of my life I felt the same way,…
May 24, 2011
Know thyself? Not so fast
Several months ago I wrote about the imperative of giving up your expertise on you. While there are certain things you know pretty well about yourself, there's a not-so-modest basket of things where you are in, perhaps, the worst position to see what's really going on. It's one of the things I love about group therapy--being successful in it means letting go of the need to be the final authority…
May 19, 2011
But why?
Last night I finally got around to watching the stunning documentary Man on Wire, chronicling Frenchman Philippe Petit's astonishing 1974 tight-wire walk between the recently erected twin towers of New York City's World Trade Center. The feat took years to plan (not to mention a lifetime of practice on Petit's part). Petit and his crew of supporters plotted every detail of the seemingly…
Feb 22, 2011
Two meanings of catastrophe
I've had a number of conversations in the past few weeks with folks who's lives, in one way or another, are falling apart. Being a psychotherapist, it's not so unusual. What seems different is in just how many of these cases what fell apart needed to fall apart:A pursuit of a PhD 9 years on, without much progress but at great expense (and opportunity cost). A business that's been making everyone…
Jan 25, 2011
Other people, who are a pain in the ass
When I was a freshman in college things were bad, and I dragged myself to therapy. I'd stopped being able to cope with the depression I'd just barely coped with most of my life. College was hard, and I didn't have a clue. There was this girl who was into me and then not into me and then into me again. And I had this roommate... It was college.Dr. R. and I talked about a lot of things. We talked…
Jan 04, 2011The Case for $320,000 Kindergarten Teachers (from the NY Times)
I've been excited about this article from the New York Times for weeks. Basically, a group of researchers at Harvard "found" some credible evidence for more-than modest implications of a high-quality kindergarten teacher over the life of a child. By implications, of course, this is to say that the team of economists measured the impact of good teaching in the first year of elementary school on…
Oct 25, 2010A work weekend
Recently a patient of mine reluctantly flew home for her sister's whirlwind wedding. Reluctantly because, as is often the case with adult siblings, she and her sister don't get along. Over the years she's felt taken for granted, and history repeated itself as plans came together for the wedding. Without even receiving a proper invitation, she was put on the program to read a bible passage at the…
Oct 05, 2010
Taken for granted
There are two meanings of the phrase taken for granted. The first, often maligned, is the tendency to take a friend, or a job, or a partner, or a loved one "for granted," meaning to neglect the responsibilities that go with having those relationships, and assuming those relationships will be present and available regardless of how much care is given to them. This sort of taking for granted is…
Jul 28, 2010Digging through the garbage
We all have plenty of garbage. Painful stuff from the past, whether it's harm that was done to us, mistakes we've made or bouts of bad luck that set us back.Crap.Baggage.Stuff.What I'm puzzled by is the way so many of us seem to cling tightly to the garbage, as though it were something precious we need to hold onto. Or we prominently display it in our relational front yards. Or, if it seems to be…
Jul 06, 2010
A perfectly good game of catch
My first job out of college (not counting a few highly-forgettable temping nightmares--definitely another blog post) was at a wonderful, progressive child welfare agency in Chicago. The agency was a pioneer in an approach that's now common in social services called wraparound. As the name implies, wraparound grew out of the idea that kids and families (and foster families) could make it through…
Jun 14, 2010Browse all Tribeca Therapy topics
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