Couples
Love is Always Conditional
The Myth of Unconditional Love Can Keep Couples In Unsafe Relationships. Patients frequently talk to me in therapy about their expectations of unconditional love in their romantic relationships, as well as the struggle of giving or receiving it. When I respond with, “Well, love is always conditional,” I’m consistently met with shock. That response is understandable. Culturally, we are fed the…
Aug 27, 2019
What Is The Role Of Love In Therapy?: Two NYC Therapists Discuss
Heather Mayone Kiely: One of the first things I noticed about how you approach couples therapy was your deep belief in love and in the relationship. You seem to really identify and connect quickly with a couple’s strengths, becoming a very powerful source for love and the relationship. It’s almost as if the relationship is a third entity that the couple has asked you to represent. Of course, all…
Aug 22, 2019
When Breaking Up Is The Best Hardest Decision
While Painful, Breaking Up Can Sometimes Be The Healthiest Option For A Couple. There are a lot of situations that push couples through my door–infidelity, conflict, and co-parenting struggles are just a few. Most of the time, though, couples are asking me, either explicitly or implicitly, to help them stay together. They want to work through issues, learn to see each other in new ways, and…
Aug 08, 2019
Yin and Yang Can Be Oil And Water (Or Baking Soda And Vinegar)
From Yin and Yang To Peas and Carrots: Opposite Clichés Are Popular Romance Shorthand, But They’re Also Fraught. Yin and yang can be oil and water, or baking soda and vinegar. Peas and carrots can be like cats and dogs. As a couples therapist, I’ve heard all the cliché opposites romance metaphors. The status of opposites is a popular sub-genre of love and romance. I recognize both their virtue…
Jul 25, 2019
More Than Roses: Teaching Men How To Be Close To Their Female Partners
Men, Finding Intimacy With Your Female Partner Takes More Than Flowers. Before I became a therapist, I was already teaching men how to be close and find intimacy with their female partners. When I was in high school, I talked to the football players about not just getting their girlfriends roses for Valentine’s Day by default. For the record, I wasn’t so cool (more nerd-adjacent), but while these…
Jul 18, 2019
Beyond Having Compatible Love Languages: Couples Should Build With Their Differences
More Than The Right Love Language: A Couple’s Resiliency Depends On Learning To Value Their Differences. Couples frequently come into couples therapy wanting or hoping that their partner will change in some specific manner so that they feel more connected, supported and heard. Recently, one way both couples and individuals have voiced their concerns to me about their partners has been in terms of…
Jun 20, 2019
Tribeca Therapy On The Almost Relationship In InStyle Magazine
What Is An Almost Relationship?. Working with both couples, and individuals that are dating in our NYC therapy practice, we’ve come across a lot of folks that are stuck in relationships that are ambivalent. Recently, Tribeca Therapy was featured in InStyle Magazine delving into what writer Nikhita Mahtani terms “the almost relationship,” meaning a relationship in which there is a reluctance to…
Apr 23, 2019
Compromise Is For Couples Who Don't Know How To Be Close
Compromise Is Temporary, But Closeness Is Unstoppable. Whether they are in crisis or have just hit a bump in the road, the couples that walk into my office for therapy are anxious to get their relationships back to stasis. Grappling with conflicts involving sex, co-parenting, co-habitating, communication, infidelity, open relationships, and how to endure a major crisis or life change, couples are…
Apr 18, 2019
We Should Engage In More Emotional Labor, Not Less
The Problem With The Construction Of Emotional Labor Is It’s Anti-labor. In the last few years, emotional labor has become a frequent topic of conversation, defining it among other kinds of labor that are unequally assigned, usually along gendered lines, with women taking on more of the work. While this discussion is undoubtedly crucial, the way emotional labor has been spoken about inadvertently…
Apr 16, 2019
Empathy Is A Superpower And Like Any Great Power, It Needs To Be Protected
Empathy Is A Superpower That Needs To Be Guarded Wisely. Empathy is a fantastic, enlightening, and a phenomenal superpower. However, like any great power, we must also guard it wisely in order to not grant it too easily. We need empathy to be close to our partner, family, friends, kid or kids, and other people in our lives. Our people hopefully also give us empathy when we are doing something…
Apr 11, 2019
Hey Couples, Communication Isn't Your Problem!
Many Couples Seek Couples Therapy For Communication, But That’s Often Not The Problem. Well over fifty percent of new couples that come into my couples therapy practice insist they need help with communication. Couples can be really invested in their definition of “the problem,” and often spend a lot of energy in therapy trying to convince me to get onboard with what they think they need. While…
Apr 03, 2019
How Do Patients Benefit From Therapy With A Group Practice?: A Collective Conversation
Matt: A few years ago, we had a collective conversation about the benefits of working in a group therapy practice itself. Recently, I’ve continued to think about our group practice formulation and want to revisit the topic from a slightly different angle. What do you think are the benefits to our patients about the way our group practice is run? What is in our special group practice…
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