I'm not much of a stocks and bonds guy, but practicing therapy not far from NYC's financial district, I've learned a few things about investing from some of my patients. Among the more straightforward pecuniary principles is the notion of a diversified portfolio. The idea is that, no matter how psyched you are about a particular investment (or kind of investment), it's best to spread your money around so that if something happens to devastate a particular company or sector, you won't end up broke. The more you spread your money around the less likely you are to experience a total loss.
Which seems to me like a pretty good plan for your emotional life as well.
Pop songs lie
"You're all I need" is a great song title, but doesn't provide much wisdom for creating a life. Let's face it: Pop songs, romantic movies, and so many other cultural institutions help perpetuate the myth that romantic love is, well, all you need.
But it isn't.
There's a lot that goes into making a life. Romantic relationships are wonderful, and for most people a deeply important part of building a life.
For many people, especially those who've struggled with finding love (or who've had it and lost it), the search for a great romantic relationship can become all-consuming. Once it's been found, perhaps out of a misguided belief that love is everything, or perhaps out of a desire to hold on to a relationship at all costs, many people let other commitments fall by the wayside. (How often have you experienced a friend getting into a relationship or getting married only to disappear from your life?)
Risk management
The most obvious risk of following the "you're all I need" approach is that romantic relationships can (and often do) end. Which would leave you emotionally broke.
But even if you're certain your relationship will never end (and even if it, in fact, doesn't) the non-diversified relationship creates other problems:
You're less likely to take risks--to ask for more or bring up tough issues--because fear of ending up truly alone is profoundly conservatizing.
If your whole life is organized around one another, you're liable to run out of things to talk about with one another.
When you get stuck, the relationship won't have the help it needs. Without friends who know you well, and are a close part of your life and your relationship, there'll be no one around to help navigate through the hard times.
My investment advice?
Spread the love around. Sure, your main squeeze will always have a special place in your life, but he or she shouldn't take up all the space in your life. It may seem counter intuitive, but the best thing you can do for your romantic relationship might just be to do more building outside of that relationship.
