All therapists work with sexual abuse (though some are in denial)
I work with survivors of sexual abuse in therapy in my NYC practice. A short while ago a request for came across my inbox via a networking group for NYC therapists I subscribe to (often reluctantly). "Looking for psychotherapist in Manhattan specializing in sexual abuse to see woman in early 20's," and a comment "I don't work with sexual abuse in my therapy practice."
I cringed.
I'm not going to look up the statistics to share them here. I've seen countless studies, including some that suggest the incidence of childhood sexual abuse has gone down. I don't believe them. Even still, the incidence of sexual abuse and assault among those who seek therapy in NYC is undeniably high. The therapist who sent that request may not think she works with sexual abuse in her therapy practice, but she's wrong.
Childhood sexual abuse and sexual assault are real
There are those in the world who think that sexual abuse and rape are far too common, that they happen much more than is discussed and constitute a serious problem that demands a serious endeavor of prevention as well as treatment such as therapy to help. And then there are those who believe the concern about sexual abuse and rape is overwrought, that victims of sexual abuse and rape are exaggerating their claims or inventing them altogether.
To my best awareness, I know none of the latter, and I don't care to. I have spent too much time as a therapist engaged in the reality of just how prevalent sexual abuse and assault is. If you're reading this, I'm fairly sure you're with me. That said, it is helpful for those of us who are deeply concerned for the victims of sexual abuse and sexual assault--who provide treatment and support--to be reminded that there are many, including those in power, who just don't get it.
Denial of childhood sexual abuse and assault is everywhere
A Washington Post Magazine this past week tells of a woman who alleged, at 11-years old, that she was repeatedly raped by a group of men in her neighborhood. There was physical evidence and the police did not deny that sexual contact took place. But not only were charges not filed, the woman was charged with filing a false report. The justification? One police officer's comment sums it up: "Parents are unable to accept the fact of this child’s promiscuous behavior caused this situation."
I'm outraged, as are you, I'm sure. But there's a danger, as with many things, in outrage distracting us from looking more closely at what's at play. This isn't an isolated incident. The cop's statement is demonstrative of a powerful position related to sexual abuse and rape that many parents, teachers, police officers, judges, neighbors and relatives of victims of sexual abuse and rape have.
The myth of childhood promiscuity and sexual abuse and assault leaves victims alone
"Child's promiscuous behavior." Let's take a moment and sit with that phrase. The myth of the promiscuous child who's promiscuity caused sexual abuse and sexual assault is vile and a product of a very basic misunderstanding of sexuality and sexual abuse. The American Psychological Association defines sexual abuse as "unwanted sexual activity, with perpetrators using force, making threats or taking advantage of victims not able to give consent." Unfortunately, those who downplay the seriousness of the problem of childhood sexual abuse and sexual assault do so, in part, because they fail to understand that emotional coercion is the most common method of perpetrators in subduing their victims, not physical force. This is part of what can be so challenging in helping victims of sexual abuse in their recovery in therapy--too often they are confused themselves about the question of what constituted consent and coercion, and are often even unsure until the issue is uncovered in therapy that the act was indeed abuse.
As Slate's Amanda Marcotte writes about the same story, "...it's also not hard to believe that an emotionally unstable 11-year-old might have been easy to lure. But that a victim was easy to manipulate doesn't mean she's any less a victim or that her assailants are any less predatory." I'd prefer to live in a world where "easy to manipulate" produced a greater compulsion toward protection from those of us who are meant to be protectors, and a greater sense of culpability on the part of abusers. Someday.
