We’re excited to share that our Founder and Clinical Director Matt Lundquist was recently featured in Metro UK, The New York Post, and Vox, addressing, respectively, responses to childfree couples, affairs between coworkers at holiday parties, and navigating speaking to loved ones about health concerns.
Inspired by the online backlash against a couple’s viral TikTok on the benefits of being in a DINK (dual income no kids) relationship, Matt tells Metro UK why parents might be frustrated with couples that boast about being childfree. In “This is what’s really going on when you judge couples who choose not to have kids,” Matt observes that some of the negative responses from parents might derive from envy about just how much sacrifice having kids takes. “Having kids is hard,” Matt says, “it does involve sacrifice, but at the same time, there’s an impossible stigma for parents—especially mothers—talking about the downside of parenting.” He continues, “In truth, sometimes parents regret becoming parents, they feel worked out by their children (it’s important to note that in the US we do an especially poor job at providing social support for parents). People boasting about their childfree status exposes the conflicts about parenting that all parents have but few are able to admit.”
To couples who don’t have children, Matt acknowledges that they cannot control the reactions of others but also urges some care regarding how they discuss their choices. “Some extra work to avoid offense may be kind: Acknowledging that hearing about their choices can be hard, allowing for others to get used to it (especially family members who are inclined to be pushed about the ‘when are you going to have kids’ questions),” he suggests. And if “prying gets carried away or there’s a reluctance to accept a lifestyle choice,” setting limits may be necessary.
In The New York Post’s “Hold that nog! Nearly 20% of workers cheat on partner at office holiday parties: survey,” Matt responds to a recent survey that revealed a third of Americans were tempted to cheat at a holiday party with almost two in ten that did. Matt explains that the intimacy and attraction between coworkers likely builds up over time since, as he says, “a lot of people bank more hours at the office than with their spouse.” “I suspect most hookups at holiday parties are ones that have been brewing for awhile,” he asserts.
For “How to talk to a loved one about their health” in Vox, Matt explores how to encourage a relative or friend to seek medical care, especially when they may have prior traumatic medical experiences. He says, “People have bad experiences with doctors and those bad experiences can be both in the form of not getting good health guidance, and also in the form of maybe getting good health guidance but maybe not being treated well…or not being treated with dignity or experiencing body shaming or someone not being accommodating of a disability or racism or sexual assault.” When speaking to a loved one, Matt encourages being curious and asking about their experience rather than declaring, for instance, “You always complain about your back hurting—you need to go to a physical therapist.” Instead, offer, “What’s going on with you? How do you feel about this?” which can lead to a more productive and less defensive conversation.
