Conflicts About Pets Often Symbolize Deeper Relationship Issues for Couples: Director of Supervision and Training Kelly Scott in The Wildest

If you’re fighting with your partner over your cats getting along or whether the dog can be in the bedroom during sex, is the conflict really about the pet(s)? Often it’s not. Our Director of Supervision and Training Kelly Scott recently spoke to The Wildest in three articles that break down how couples’ arguments over pets frequently symbolize deeper issues in the relationship.

Most recently in “Should You Kick Your Pet Out of the Room When You Have Sex?” Kelly explores a common argument about the presence of a pet in the bedroom. “Pet ownership is already very emotionally loaded and sex is often a loaded issue, too. So, together, they can be a volatile combination,” she explains. Though a pet staring at you during sex can feel awkward, frequent conflicts over a pet in the bedroom are often about other issues in a relationship. “This sort of issue could really be rooted in anything,” Kelly says. 

For couples looking to resolve the issue, Kelly recommends approaching the conversation with neutrality and consideration. She emphasizes, “Don’t go in assuming it’s going to be a fight and really take some time beforehand to think about what you’re feeling and why you’re feeling it, so you can communicate that to your partner.”

Another fraught situation regarding pets is when couples move in together with existing pets that don’t get along. For “So, You and Your Partner Want to Move in Together—But Your Pets Don’t,” Kelly urges couples to deal with this issue openly rather than letting anger and resentment fester. “Literally sitting down and asking: ‘Where are you willing to compromise?’ Because if there’s resentment attached, we gotta go back to the drawing board. What’s toxic in a relationship is when sacrifice leads to resentment. It's like a poison,” she says.

That doesn’t mean this scenario is an impossible one—creative solutions are always possible. “People can often be tempted to go to the worst outcome rather than think of a solution like hiring specialists, trainers, or changing the set-up of your home,” she describes.

Finally, what can a couple do if one partner is allergic to the other’s pet? As Kelly notes in “What Happens When the Love of Your Life Is Allergic to the Other Love of Your Life?” this frequently comes up when couples are considering moving in together, but the pet allergy poses a challenge that can quickly turn into an impasse. “One person is saying, If you love me you’d rehome the cats, and the other person is saying, If you love me you’d get allergy shots, because you know how important the cats are to me." Like with pets in the bedroom, these arguments are frequently about larger issues. Essentially, the argument can boil down to, Kelly observes: “…what does it mean for you to love me? What does it mean for me to love you?”