Founder and Clinical Director Matt Lundquist Interviewed on Relationships in Salon and New York Family

A lot of events can alter the sexual connection and intimacy in a relationship, from financial concerns to the lasting effects of the pandemic to the sudden busyness of having kids. Drawing on his expertise in couples therapy, Founder and Clinical Director Matt Lundquist recently appeared in Salon and New York Family to speak on how the chemistry between partners can be influenced by a variety of factors. 

In Salon’s “Infectious Desire: How the Pandemic Is Still Negatively Impacting Our Sex Lives,” Matt observes how current economic worries such as inflation can affect a couple’s sex life. He explains, “I think that couples tend to have more and better sex when they’re getting along well…And I think couples bring the strain of economic hardship, job insecurity, having to work longer hours, feeling less secure about being able to pay for college—that strain shows up in the bedroom.”

New parenthood can also change a couple’s relationship dynamic. New York Family interviews Matt about the ways new parents can navigate finding time for themselves and their relationship amidst the work of raising kids for “How Parents Can Re-Find The Spark in Their Relationship: Expert Advice.” When considering the various ebbs and flows of a relationship, Matt emphasizes that couples should remember a romantic relationship is actually “several relationships” that evolve over time. He observes, “In a partnership with children, they’re relationships of love, friendship, and sex but also cohabitation, financial partnership, and parenting. As relationships add facets—dating leads to cohabitation and financial partnership, and children—there are more roles to navigate in and around.”

For couples who feel a lack of intimacy and connection—“the spark” fading, Matt describes he often talks to couples about “needing to rethink the fuel source.” “One common source of excitement early in a relationship is its newness, and even the drama of pursuit (Esther Perel wrote about this in Mating in Captivity). When that inevitably fades, couples need to find new sources of excitement for one another,” he says.

What are some of these new sources? While there are many options, Matt offers, “one area is longevity and parenting itself.” Couples can work on, as he continues, “…finding joy and connection in the partnership of raising children, seeing if a spark can be generated from the excitement of succeeding and parenting’s challenges, in the shared wins and even in the shared experience of struggle.” Ultimately, it’s important for couples to remember that spending time on the relationship itself is an essential part of self-care (and care for each other).