Anger
When Couples Therapy Isn’t Working: Director of Supervision and Training Kelly Scott in The Cut
There are times in couples therapy when things just aren’t changing. Sessions cycle through the same arguments with the same dynamics. Even though a couples therapist may be making insights and connections, nothing is shifting. At this point, two questions have to be asked. First, why aren’t things changing? And secondly—a bigger question—does the couple have the conditions for a healthy…
Apr 10, 2023
We Need to Talk About Pregnancy in the Pandemic’s Second Wave
Being Pregnant (Or Having A Partner Who Is Pregnant) During The Pandemic’s Second Wave Is Emotionally Overwhelming In A Different Way Than In The Spring. Providing therapy since the beginning of the pandemic, I’ve seen firsthand the toll it’s taken on pregnant women, their partners, and their families, particularly recently during this second wave. In the spring, there were so many unknowns about…
Dec 29, 2020
What is it Like to Provide Family Therapy With Adult Siblings?: Two NYC Therapists Discuss
Adult siblings usually contact us for family therapy because there’s been a painful rupture, a series of hurtful events, or consistent distance that is no longer tolerable by one or more siblings. Therapy with siblings can be challenging, but also provides the chance to honor, question, disrupt, and reconstruct these familial relationships. In order to shed light on this equally vulnerable and…
Nov 24, 2020
Being Pregnant in the Time of the 2020 Election: It's Not Just Perinatal Anxiety, It's Politics
In A Year Of Upheaval, Anxiety About The Election Can Feel Overwhelming, Especially If You’re Pregnant. As the November election nears, many of my patients who are pregnant, as well as their partners, are struggling with a lot of anxiety. Anxiety during pregnancy, otherwise known as perinatal anxiety, isn’t unusual and is something many face. However this year, the anxiety may come from more than…
Oct 20, 2020
Setting Limits With Parents
In Therapy, Setting Limits With Parents Can Be Especially Difficult. In my NYC therapy practice, setting limits with family members, especially parents, can be stressful and raise a variety of concerns. What makes setting limits with parents particularly difficult is that as children, we are supposed to learn limits and values from our parents and then, when we’re adults, they sometimes become…
Jul 12, 2018
There Is A Danger In Not Taking Teens Seriously–Especially When It Comes To Gun Control
We Need To Take Teens Seriously About Guns. On a recent Wednesday morning, I happened to have a break when I heard chanting outside the window of my NYC therapy practice. The noises were not that unusual given that my Tribeca office is just a block away from City Hall, a frequent site of protests. It didn’t take me long to remember when I saw teenagers marching with signs that read “Never Again!”…
Apr 12, 2018
Couples Therapy: 7 Strategies For Couples That Need To Walk Away From A Fight
All Couples Know: Arguing Can Get Out Of Control. For some couples I see in my couples therapy practice, the idea of a partner walking away in the moment of hurt or anger that comes with an argument is terrifying. It feels like an abandonment–because it usually is one. But for the health of the relationship, however, sometimes walking away is better than the alternative.Why Walk Away?. Many…
Mar 29, 2018
For Couples, A Simple Rule: You Can't Be Mean
Fighting For Couples Doesn’t Have To Be Mean. Most people are meaner than they realize when they’re upset. Couples therapy helps couples recognize this, but as a couples therapist, I like to go one step further, proposing that people have the capacity not to be mean. One can become aware of it and not give in.For many couples, the idea that fighting doesn’t have to be mean can feel like a breath…
Mar 22, 2018
Group Shaming in the Internet Age: The 21st Century Bystander Effect
The Effect of Groups on Our Capacity to Help. I distinctly remember the first time I learned about social psychology--I was sitting in a large auditorium when my dry Psychology 101 professor clicked his slideshow to an image of NYC in the 60's. As I doodled in the margins of my notebook, my professor began to speak about Kitty Genovese, a woman who was brutally attacked and killed near her home…
Sep 15, 2015
Notes on anger management in NYC
An anger management workshop in NYC with a difference (or so I was told). A few years ago I was invited by a new colleague to an anger management therapy workshop at her therapy practice in NYC. We had connected as therapist colleagues and had some conversations about the practice of therapy in NYC and the conversation drifted to my (cynical) views on the state of anger management therapy in NYC…
Aug 03, 2015
Internalizing External Messages: The Impact on "Problem Children"
Editors Note: We are so pleased to share, for the first time since the launch of our website, the writing of a therapist in our NYC practice who isn't the founder and director, Matt Lundquist. Heather Mayone Kiely is a psychotherapist and Art Therapist who joined the practice in 2012 when we expanded to a larger therapy office. She is a creative and thoughtful observer of human beings and writes…
Jun 19, 2015
If I kicked you in the shin...
...your shin would hurt. And you'd probably be pissed at me. You might even curse. Or kick me back.And if that happened, it wouldn't make much sense to say that you had:A shin problemA pain problemAn anger problem orA kicking problemYou'd have--well, you'd have a some-jerk-just-kicked-me-in-the-shin problem. Which would be a real problem. There's a metaphor here, of course. A therapy metaphor. It…
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