All Couples Know: Arguing Can Get Out Of Control For some couples I see in my couples therapy practice, the idea of a partner walking away in the moment of hurt or anger that comes with an argument is terrifying. It feels like an abandonment–because it usually is one. But for the health of theRead more
For Couples, A Simple Rule: You Can’t Be Mean
Fighting For Couples Doesn’t Have To Be Mean Most people are meaner than they realize when they’re upset. Couples therapy helps couples recognize this, but as a couples therapist, I like to go one step further, proposing that people have the capacity not to be mean. One can become aware of it and not giveRead more
Stay Angry And Get Creative: An Art Therapist On Being Powerful
Both in and out of my NYC art therapy practice, the anger, fear, anxiety, and panic that people felt around the November election has not died down. If anything, it has increased as the government is acting more threatening towards fundamental human rights and the values of our country. So many people express feeling scaredRead more
Emotional Lessons: Teaching Children How to Be Well-Adjusted Adults
Supporting Your Child’s Independence As a parent, your biggest job is to help your children grow into well-adjusted adults. From the moment they learn how to self soothe as infants, you are passing on lessons, big and small, that encourage healthy autonomy. In Slate’s “The Value of a Mess”, writer Jessica Lahey clearly lays out some of these lessons andRead more
Group Shaming in the Internet Age: The 21st Century Bystander Effect
The Effect of Groups on Our Capacity to Help I distinctly remember the first time I learned about social psychology–I was sitting in a large auditorium when my dry Psychology 101 professor clicked his slideshow to an image of NYC in the 60’s. As I doodled in the margins of my notebook, my professor began to speak about Kitty Genovese, aRead more
Notes on anger management in NYC
An anger management workshop in NYC with a difference (or so I was told) A few years ago I was invited by a new colleague to an anger management therapy workshop at her therapy practice in NYC. We had connected as therapist colleagues and had some conversations about the practice of therapy in NYC andRead more
Internalizing External Messages: The Impact on “Problem Children”
Editors Note: We are so pleased to share, for the first time since the launch of our website, the writing of a therapist in our NYC practice who isn’t the founder and director, Matt Lundquist. Heather Mayone Kiely is a psychotherapist and Art Therapist who joined the practice in 2012 when we expanded to aRead more
If I kicked you in the shin…
…your shin would hurt. And you’d probably be pissed at me. You might even curse. Or kick me back. And if that happened, it wouldn’t make much sense to say that you had: A shin problem A pain problem An anger problem or A kicking problem You’d have–well, you’d have a some-jerk-just-kicked-me-in-the-shin problem. Which wouldRead more
I am not going to have an emotional relationship with…
…my inbox. …my accountant. …my student loans. …my to-do list. …my diet. …the ups and downs of my business. …traffic. …my broken cable box. …the instruction manual for assembling this bike. Why not? Because having an emotional relationship with material conditions, tasks and objects is a bit like dating a toaster. Because they’re tasks, responsibilities,Read more
Anger and the accident of Google
Last March I set about building this website. In the “age of the internet” I figured I’d write a lot to give prospective therapy patients in NYC a real taste of what my psychotherapy and group therapy practice has to offer. I wrote about therapy for depression, dating, drugs and alcohol, anxiety therapy–I covered theRead more