We Need To Ask Better Questions Of Each Other: 12 Questions To Ask Teens

Asking Teens Better Questions Can Help Them Establish (And Reestablish) Who They Are Becoming 

For the final incarnation of my series on how to ask better questions in our relationships, I’m focusing on teens. A teen needs to be asked deeper and better questions so that parents and other important adults in their life can get to know the ever-moving, ever-shifting person a teen is and is becoming. 

Adolescence is such a messy time. A teen isn’t a kid or an adult, but a unique stage of in-between. And yet, so much is expected of teens in relationships–they’re just inherently supposed to know how to do and be in them. However, teens shouldn’t have to lead all the time in their relationships with adults. Parents and other adults need to give teens space to both talk and not talk (when they don’t want to), as well as continue to build and reestablish who they are.

I’ll admit it can be difficult to ask teens questions, particularly intimate, deeper questions. Parents and other adults have to be ready for some rejection. In fact, it’s key that a teen sees you can handle this rejection. If you can handle it, it means they can be prickly or wishy-washy, and that’s okay. Although you have to be open to being tussled with, it is also so rewarding to get close to a teen.

Ask Teens:

1. What movies, music, shows, etc. do you like right now? Why? What would you like to show me?

2. Who really gets you right now? A friend? A sibling? Parents?

3. Who do you really crush on? Do you talk about it?

4. What do you really want in high school? What do you want it to be?  Do you want to go to college? (...really ask it)

5. What makes you mad or just annoyed?

6. Who is the person or people you most want to be like?

7. Do you have enough space to think? Do you have too much space?

8. When do you feel left out, lonely, embarrassed, sad or angry?

9. How do you really feel about the world?

10. How do you feel about having a phone?  What does it mean to you?

11. How do you feel about social media like Instagram, Snapchat, Tik Tok, WhatsApp, etc.?

12. Do you feel safe? How or how do you not feel safe? When do you feel safe? And when don’t you feel safe?

–Rachael Benjamin