Whether pushing partners in casual relationships to suddenly move in together or creating tension as couples were forced to coexist in cramped apartments, the COVID-19 pandemic significantly altered many couples’ relationships. Even more than three years later, these impacts are still apparent, including influencing some couples’ decisions to divorce. Our Founder and Clinical Director Matt Lundquist recently contributed to an article in Buzzfeed, sharing his observations on how the pandemic caused couples to reconsider their priorities.
Speaking to Natasha Jokic, Matt explains how the pandemic was a “relationship accelerator,” forcing couples, who may not have otherwise, to get more serious and adding strain to relationships that were already in conflict. The pandemic, he emphasizes, created “a condition where we’re asked to rely on a significant other for a lot.” “I think that for couples that went into it unstable, or where it was just unclear—maybe to them—whether they had the makings of a relationship that was gonna go the distance, the pandemic was trying,” he says.
Because of this, Matt reveals that he received a significant influx of couples seeking couples therapy in the first three months of the pandemic. “Couples who were locked down together, spending time together, were calling us in crisis,” he details. In those early months, Matt notes that there was a “dramatic” uptick in divorces.
Conversely, some couples also delayed breaking up because of the pandemic. “I think [there are] as many couples that decided to get divorced on the early to mid-side of the pandemic as couples that acknowledged strain but decided not to get divorced because of the inconvenience of that, financial hardship, extra burdens of childbearing,” Matt describes.
Years later, though, could COVID still be affecting couples in such a profound way? Matt asserts it’s exactly this return to normal that is allowing partners the space to consider what they want in their relationship, including choosing to divorce. He explains, “…we turned a corner in September of starting to feel like the pandemic is over and we’re in the new moment. And that could be impacting how people are thinking about their relationships, beginning to want more in their lives.” In both individual therapy and therapy with couples, Matt observes that the pandemic overall has resulted in a “realignment of values.” Some individuals, for instance, are “prioritizing family time” more than work. Similarly, he says, “.. people are thinking more about quality of life and the kinds of values that they have in their relationships.”
