Troubled Teen Programs Should Be a Last Resort: Less Authority Is More for Teens
November 01, 2023
Troubled teen programs are the logical, furthest extension of authority
A recent New York Times editorial, “The Troubled-Teen Industry Offers Trauma, Not Therapy,” argues for more regulatory oversight and best practices for troubled teen programs, some of which have been exposed in recent years for abuse. The troubled teen industry, the teen wilderness treatment industry, and teen residential psychiatric hospitals are the logical, furthest extension of authority that starts with a parent’s insistence that a teen follow the rules “or else.” What starts with a threat becomes a failed threat that, then, gets escalated more and more.
To be clear, residential treatment, including those that have a wilderness component, can be helpful for teens. Reputable programs exist and may be the right therapy for a given teen. As the Times article calls for, these programs should always be vetted and in general, more oversight is needed. Yet, many times these programs really do happen the way we imagine: a team of strong men, occasionally in white coats (but usually not), show up, often in the middle of the night, to “escort” a teen against their will to treatment.
If teens are going to get better, they’re going to have to want to rather than be forced to. While authority may be a necessary part of treatment for teens, it should be used sparingly. Instead, parents and other adults in teens’ lives should prioritize influence.
The “trouble” that “troubled” teens get into is based on a set of ideas of what constitutes trouble
This isn’t to blame parents for turning toward authority like troubled teen programs for help. Oftentimes parents are desperate and there can be a pull from many influences towards authority, frequently with a strong sense of urgency. Parents are told they must hurry while teens are still minors so they can “fix” them while they still can.
Obviously, parents are the key to most decisions to send teens away to programs—their consent is needed. They’re frequently also advised by schools, therapists, treatment centers (other players in the industry), and, importantly, individuals affiliated with church organizations (who may be schools, therapists, and treatment centers). Because of this, these decisions may be directly (or indirectly) a product of a misalignment of values between the teen and their parent(s) and/or their church or school communities. Some of these values are in regard to sex, sexuality, and gender, particularly for queer, questioning, and genderqueer kids. The “trouble” that “troubled teens” get into is understood as trouble based on a certain set of ideas, whether from within families or communities, of what constitutes trouble.
Even when there is real trouble and when parents are seeking help, the nature of that help can go beyond what the parents expect. Parents can be surprised or unaware of just how these programs are run.
What should parents who are concerned about their teens do?: Get close to teens
Authority, especially the authority of sending teens to treatment against their will, should be a last resort and should be seen, without blame, as evidence that other measures haven’t worked (a failure of sorts). Before this last resort, parents should work to get close to teens—to work harder to be curious about their lives while also being willing to admit fault.
Adolescence is often a time of particular ambivalence. Teens are prone to expressing a desire to do it all on their own while also holding onto a wish to be cared for and even coddled in ways that were easier to express when they were younger. Parents can be so overwhelmed or even sad about the former that they miss out on the possibility of connection and caretaking that comes with the latter.
For instance, it is especially key for parents to be curious about teens’ lives without criticizing their pastimes or interests. Read their books, play their video games, and learn their memes. Teens’ lives can seem foreign—they exist mostly at school or online, out of view of adults. Our media consumption is fragmented such that parents are left in the dark about language and forms of relating that are meaningful to their teens. Teens want to be understood even though with teens this can be obscured by mixed messages that may say “stay away” (and often should be overridden by parents). If we aren’t connecting meaningfully, it’s difficult to influence young people.
Parents also need humility and curiosity about teens’ developing values
Parents should avoid giving in to the urge to judge teens. It can be tough to overhear harsh language or talk about sex or other provocative topics while resisting judgment. But judgment is so quickly alienating. Parents need to have the humility to slow down and consider that they may not know all of what something they hear means even if they may not like it.
Part of the project of adolescence is to establish views and identities that differ from parents. Adolescence is also a time to “try on” different values and ways of being in the world. These values with which teens experiment may or may not end up being the values that persist throughout their lifetime.
