Whatever The Cause Of A Kid’s Anxiety, Parents Can Help
In my Downtown Manhattan therapy practice, a lot of parents ask me where their kids' anxiety comes from. Is anxiety something inherent within them or is something from their environment negatively affecting them? The question of nature vs. nurture has been debated practically since the dawn of time, or at least as long as the field of psychology has existed. But at the end of the day, the answer only partially matters. Whatever the root cause, parents and caregivers absolutely have the power to make a significant change and reduce a child’s anxiety.
Parents Need To Project Confidence and Strong Leadership With An Anxious Child
Even though every family is different, there are certain things that I find myself recommending to every parent of an anxious child. The first is that parents need to project that they are in charge and they know what they are doing, even when they hit the inevitable moments of feeling totally lost.
This is because a child is at the mercy of their parents; the parents steer the ship that the whole family is on. If a child senses uncertainty from their parent, it is a frightening experience. They may wonder: who the heck is steering this thing? Are we safe? If a child doesn’t feel like the parents are very much in charge, he or she will feel a broad sense of insecurity that absolutely causes anxiety.
Consistency is Key For Dealing With Kids’ Anxiety
All kids love structure and consistency, but this is especially important when it comes to dealing with anxiety. Children feel safest when they have a clear sense of what is happening. Kids don’t have a ton of power and control, but feel at ease deferring to parents when they know what to expect.
Routines, such as what happens before bedtime or right before going to school, are a big part of this. Especially for a kid that gets anxious when their parents leave them at night, keeping a routine and giving the child a strong sense of what to expect, such as clocks and timers (i.e. “Mommy will sit here for five minutes but then she will leave”), help a great deal as long as that routine is unwavering.
Additionally, if a child misbehaves, they should know exactly what will happen, from their parents' emotional response to what the repercussions of their action will be. They may fight a consequence, but deep down, if it is fair and has been explained to them beforehand, it will help them feel safe.
There Ain’t No Shame in Needing Some Parenting Backup
There is no manual on how to parent. Well actually, scrap that, there are about a million books, blogs, and articles on that very topic. However there is no manual on how to parent your child. There may be things that you hear about or read that resonate with you, but you should not expect to always know how to give your child exactly what they need, especially when they are struggling with anxiety. It’s ok to call in backup if you feel at a loss for what your kid needs.
Therapy can absolutely help any family dealing with an anxious child. There are a myriad of ways that this therapy can be set up to help you address anxiety in your child, and that includes some guidance for the parents so they can provide strong leadership and a consistent environment that will nip the anxiety in the bud.
